A Tale Of Flying Pigs

Now don’t take this for a Grimm’s fairy tale. I’m talking about swine flu here. PJ you say? Oh well can’t help it if that stupid injection has paralyzed my funny bone!
So this grotesque tale begins with Mom reading the paper early morning and deciding that the world is now doomed to die a pig’s death. Luckily at that time we didn’t have a functional TV in our house or this verdict would have been declared quite early. (Speaking of TV, it’s the very reason why my thoughts haven’t done much wandering except wonder about why Shilpa of ‘Dill Mill Gaye’ tries to do all her acting with her eyes. Oh… sorry am straying from the topic here.)
So my Mom put her hypochondriac abilities to excellent use and added Swine Flu to the existing list of diabetes and suspected cancer-of-whichever-body part-is-paining-most. Don’t get me wrong, I value my life and am not making fun of Mom here, but I’ve lived with her for 21yrs & know all about her ‘symptoms’ are nothing but a figment of her imagination.  Proof lies in the fact that she always chickens out from seeing a doc. As for swine flu, for the next week we were treated to uncalled for lectures, starting from eating vegetables to staying indoors. If she even heard a sniff anywhere in the vicinity she would dive for the nearest shelter.
My Aunt & Granny and shockingly my usually sane Grandpa too joined the group and every hour the phone kept ringing like some swine flu helpline with updates on the latest medicines that ultimately found their way into our mouths. And let me demonstrate how bad the situation was-one night I developed a crick in my neck & went upto Mom for help. She looked at me shocked and then said-“oh no…what if you have got the flu?!!” I feigned hurriedly that I was completely cured of the crick, who knows if she would have thrown me out to protect the rest?

I was subjected to inhuman treatment in that week-no moving out. No eating/drinking ice-cream/cold drinks. The times I had to move out she tried to force a white mask onto my face. It looked more like a bird’s beak I tell you…
I couldn’t escape the menace in the outer world either. Everywhere I looked were my friends getting runny noses.  I was sick of sending ‘Swine Flu? Hu Hu Ha Ha’ type sms to all. Eventually I found one of my friends getting ready to get vaccinated too. He asked me to accompany him & I tagged along thinking an injection does deserve moral support. Imagine my horror when the doc declared that there’s extra dosage left…so anyone?? I was then dragged to the chamber & the shiny new injection was revealed. Ouch! Too bad I couldn’t even yelp ‘coz there were tiny tots out there who had already taken the medicine and were calmly giving me sympathetic glances.
“Hey, why didn’t I get a full medical checkup, eh?” I glared at my friend who had initially disappeared behind the curtain before getting injected. “Err.. hmm not needed” he fumbled. Only after 15minutes of persuasion and a ‘don’t laugh’ threat I was told that only the obese were subjected to the humiliating checkups!
My arm hurt for a full 12hours but at least I was no longer treated by Mom as the harbinger of death. (She kept saying that me being the vagabond of the house would surely bring in the flu).
So moral is, whenever you get to hear of any epidemic that’s likely to cause a loss of your freedom, get vaccinated. And if you’re like me, always remember-no pain, no gain!






P.S: a bit late in posting this one,I'd almost forgotten about it after writing it.blame the TV not me..

Comments

Sourav said…
TV is the most boring thing, ever! And I try to away most swines, though flu is something I should be really careful about! ;)
suraj said…
wow your mom should meet my mom, they would make a perfect pair!!! but swine flu is nothing to be laughed at.... my friend's uncle died of it. the post was funny as hell. loved it!!
Rinaya said…
yes I know..:( addictive TV :P
@Suraj: no...am not making fun of the flu yaar,its just the description of the fear people have which is a result of being ignorant of real facts.The mayhem that results coz of mass hysteria :P
my apologies if I hurt any sentiments :(
Sagar..... said…
ok.... nice one... really cute pic added.....

did you ever face any such situation during bird flu????
xyzandme said…
I blogged a rap song based on " gone guru" theme on swine flu :p
Rinaya said…
@Sagar : no thankfully not this much! only I was fed like a goat.. :P
@xyzandme: ur profile name confused me! :P
would read it soon..
xyzandme said…
Why would you find my profile name confusing?
x y z & me. :/
Rinaya said…
no at the first glance it appeared a bit confusing,that's all! No offence :)
and do send me the link yaar of ur post,couldn't find it :(
xyzandme said…
oh.. none taken.. I wasnt offended or anything..In fact it wasnt abt offence and all..
It just got me wondering.. what could be so confusing three alphabets an ampersand and me... :/

Yea even I couldnt find the link on my blog.. it weird.. when one cannot find stuff on their own blog!
Thats like Taliban saying " we cannot find osama"...

Any how
I had to google , " swine flu xyzandme blogspot"...
so here it is..
http://xyzandme.blogspot.com/2009/08/swine-flu-and-you.html

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