I Am Not a Blogger

If you are a blogger never reveal that to people around you. NEVER…EVER... unless, of course if someone realized your worth & asked you for an interview & guaranteed to place your carefully photo-shopped picture on the cover page of their magazine. Anything less than that you MUST pretend you cannot even frame a sentence & had no idea that gerund is not the name of some white guy.

I say never even reveal that you know English. “I didn’t studied English at all na, I always slept in back bench man…” Bloggers or writers & would-be authors need to keep low profile until famous. Especially when you are in school/college & are as close to publishing your own novel as India is to being corruption free. Here’s what will happen to you unless:

·         Class Postman: 

     You shall for all occasions & purposes, accidents & mishaps be deemed as the official postman. Remember the old movies when Lakshmi received a letter from her husband working in the durr sheher? The postman so kindly drafted the reply for her. At least the government paid him for it. You however dear blogger, shall be made to write (without any monetary or other redemption) countless applications for all purposes legal/illegal until you send your BF/GF SMS which begins with SUB: Request for a date on 25-26^th of Feb 2012.

·         Speech-cum-script writer: 

    From college foundation day to teacher’s day to fresher’s party, the script/speech writer can be easily spotted in the auditorium holding their heads in their hands, nibbling a pen & staring vacantly into the space oblivious of the enthusiastic chaos around them.  While the rest of the world is busy enacting the play, these poor souls can be seen thinking of the right title/dialogue which pleases the director, the actors & the faculty. Do not for once think that you can unleash your creative genius & mesmerize the audience…hello? Who told you, you can play Shakespeare?

·         Editor:  

     This is rather an interesting position. Most of you writers dream of becoming the college magazine editor. You dream of leafing through pages of raw talent & moulding them into pieces of art with your editing. But what you dream of isn’t what you get. Be prepared dear editor to read through complex pieces of imagination where the only comprehensible part is the fact that it’s written in English. If you are lucky you will be able to get the gist of the author’s idea in bits & pieces…if not you shall spend half the night in trying to comprehend it & the later half correcting what you comprehended. It’s better if you develop a sense of humour to laugh through the portions where grammar bids goodbye & SMS lingo tkes ovr.

As a duty towards my brethren (or sistren if you prefer) I decided to share these woes that are the outcome of revealing your secret identity to the heartless cruel world which shall then only use you for their selfish purpose. 

So my friend, if you value your peace of mind & sanity, never reveal you are a blogger!

OR This Shall Be Thy Fate!