When a Woman Breaks Up With You..

When a woman breaks up it’s always a mutual break up: Remember the break up scene in ‘Love Aajkal’? Yes, a woman will make you feel as if there was a coffee shop & in between sips of Café Mocha they decided it’s time to head in different directions. That bump on her head? OMG, you thought he hit her? No, silly, that’s from having to suddenly stop at the traffic, stupid lights!

When a woman breaks up, the whole world knows: Or at least that social network of yours will know. Facebook status will be the first to get updated, followed by sympathetic (and eager) comments from all & sundry. People you didn’t know existed in your friends’ list, will start asking “what..why..how” questions as if you’ve just had castration surgery & that was your manhood bidding goodbye not your girlfriend.

When a woman breaks up, she breaks stuff too: All the beautiful cards you ever gave her will go rrrrrrrrriiiippp much like your heart did. The stuffed toys being oh-so-cute may be spared but they will go right inside the closet into the deepest, darkest corner. If you find at your doorstep a carton full of your old gifts (including used perfume bottles) don’t be surprised.

When a woman breaks up, all her friends break up with you: This is the normal case. When you guys break up, all her friends & by De Morgan’s law, their boyfriends will break up with you. So unless you want really awkward situations with the guys, don’t invite them over for a drink. The only plus point here…that bitchy friend of hers who was eyeing you for a while will now approach you openly. (They should make a sis code for girls too!)

When a woman breaks up, you never get the sympathy: Even if she was the one butting her head into the popcorn & more with a guy at the movie, she will always be the victim. (Unless well, you are talking to a nymphomaniac) The women’s quota gives her exclusive rights to play the victim in every relationship & paint you as the Shakti Kapoor of the movie. If she cheated, you weren’t loving her enough, if she used you for money-hey isn’t that what boyfriends are for?

When a woman breaks up…she recovers really fast:  Women have the ultimate funda: to forget one, you get another, which works well with her wardrobe, shoes, lipsticks & boyfriends. To get over a disastrous relationship, she must find another man. Most often it’s that “just friends” guy who was the cause for the break up in the first place.  So while you spend hours staring at ESPN, gulping beer, munching on food or sitting in that bar lusting after that hot chick with her BF, she is already back in the game.

Hence it is but indeed a no-win situation when a woman breaks up with you. The only advice I can give is be prepared & have an emergency kit-(complete with beer, names, numbers & addresses of college crush) ready & easily accessible. 

P.S:This is a part satirical post, you are supposed to go "ha ha ha" & not throw stones at me.And yes I'm a woman.