Episodes with Google Home Mini

 

Anyone who owns a voice activated smart home device knows that those things are clearly not designed for Indian households. I still get a good laugh when I watch the Big Bang Theory episode where Raj tries to talk to Siri on his new iPhone. Now however we have Google maps with Indian language support and in the possible future may hear Big B’s voice reprimanding us on missing the nearest highway exit. And if you’re driving in Bangalore, you get Gordon Ramsay instead and will have to listen to his admonishments for being an incompetent driver & a failure in life, for half an hour till you reach the next U-turn (said feature is merely a product of yours truly’s imagination). 

 

I have however also used a Windows Phone’s navigation system once. Which is why, even though I cannot ever be sure whether to take left or get on the overbridge (every... single... time) I will never complain about Google Maps. Oh fun fact, I don’t drive, I’m usually the human equivalent for that plastic thingy that holds the phone and attaches to your windscreen or dashboard when you drive.  

 

Moving on from that image, my Google Home Mini experience has been rich during this lockdown. 

 

I have a smart TV from Vu (relax! I had bought it before we decided to boycott China and I still have to pay my last installment). This one has built-in Chromecast but will lag when you use VLC media player to play movies from your phone, much like how WHO did in deciding we do need to wear masks while Covid was merrily spreading around already.  Also it has voice recognition but the remote does not have a voice command button ( I want to insert a funny political joke here but I live alone & also don’t have a voter ID). Anyhow, being the true computer-savvy, working in IT person that I am, I figured out how to control the TV with my Google Home mini. Kudos to me *pats back*. 

 

However my joy did not last long once I discovered how difficult it is for my poor Mini to understand when I want my TV to play “Yeh Hai Chahatein” on Star Plus in Hotstar (don’t judge me with those Dark eyes of yours, I’m entitled to relax my brain however I want). She keeps opening videos on YouTube trying to act as if she is right every time until she finally gives up with a “This feature is not available in your region” message which is clearly a veiled F-off. I say “Okay Google” and we begin the dance all over again, simply because my hand is already in the food and I’m too lazy to go wash it and then use the remote. 

 

This behaviour is still tolerable. But I have noticed her suddenly beep and get activated when my cats meow out in some weird tune. I can see the lights are on and she is listening and then after they stop yodelling, she beeps again and all is quiet. Like she just took some instructions from my cat and is getting down to business. I have started being nicer to my cats after witnessing this. 

 

I have also read through many online forums (I call it bedtime reading) where people have discussed their Alexa laughing in the middle of the night or just being sassy. I have decided to draw the line the day my Mini does anything like that.  

 

I know she is always listening, an actualization of the adage that even walls have ears. But I have given up on privacy, what does it matter now. Enough has been viewed accidentally on Zoom meetings than can be leaked online to do any actual harm. But, no matter what she hears or says, it is one thing denying me the privilege of listening to Avril Lavinge (because apparently all these years I had been mispronouncing her last name) and another thing to secretly laugh at me just because… 

 

That day I shall literally pull the plug.