Sunday, January 15, 2017

5 Things I Want to Give Up in 2017

I'm out of creativity... Adulthood has caught up, much to my dislike killing the little child in me. It was inevitable that I'd lose my initial spark (I'd like to think I had one to begin with, humour me). So here I am with a typical blog post ,a semi philosophical...little funny and much mundane list of things I would try to avoid in 2017-

1. Believing an e-commerce site when they claim I belong to  their "elite" clientele.
Agreed I have spent all my life's earnings on stocking up my wardrobe and shoe rack, but it's time I got a grip on myself and realized that these shopping hubs are not my friends. All those discounts they send me are in fact a broadcasted an unfaithful lover proclaiming their undying eternal 'exclusively for you' love ! No more giving in to those flat 50% off mails now.

2. Ghosting people.. Yep I am guilty of doing that to some folks. In my defense they were worthy of nothing better! But yes, now after I have been on a date and realized its not going to work, I would rather tell the guy the same thing instead of pretending that my manager is the very reincarnation of Hitler and would not let me leave office at any godly hour. I am tired of pretending to be busy and ignoring texts. Off late I have started becoming more of an empath and I certainly would want to be told it's not working out than hanging on to formal good morning / good night texts,right.

3. Reading a book just for the sake of reading- while I firmly believe that everyone has a story to tell,some stories rather not be shared. I have tortured myself over weeks fighting to read a book, cursing myself for not finding it interesting enough. This year... I will let go. If a book isn't interesting,if every page feels like I am reading my Geography textbook after the lunch break ..or worse the maths tuition,then I shall quit. There is no shame in that. It is indeed okay to let go..

Case in point


4. Faking niceness-
I'm not much of a selfless saint. I am more the mind your own business until till you need someone's help. Even then I try to avoid taking anyone's help. As a result I assume everyone to be doing the same. When someone asks me for help I try helping out of politeness,not out of the non existent goodness in my heart. I have been nice to people, gone out of my way to help but now I have realised the world is a selfish place. Help only if you really wish to..if I feel a person is genuinely in need of assistance I'd offer mine. But if you're just being lazy around me...beware!

5. Trying to convince my Mom I am not ready to get married.
Frequent visitors( read people who I spam with my blog links until they read it) would know my aversion to the so called holy institution of marriage. I am open to dating. I am okay with commitment and relationship. But I just am not ready for marriage. To share almost all my meals,al my nights and days,my quirks and farts and burps with some guy. Not yet. Maybe one day I will but not now.
But I am tired of arguing with Mom about it. Her rather pragmatic logic of me dying childless,husbandless all alone in some hut is very disturbing albeit unrealistic. But I love her no matter how eccentric she sounds at times and I am done with pissing her off
so this I won't get married! I'd just be more patient with her and try to make the phone conversations last more than 5 minutes.

So that's the rather comprehensive list of stuff I'd avoid this year. Although not  new year resolutions...i suck at those...this is something I'd like to try and save myself some money ...and obtain some peace while I am at it.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

How To Get Fit (not) In A Month

Each time I dab my KFC hot & crispy chicken leg piece into the red creamy ketchup, I promise myself I'd watch one more fitness video that night, in bed before sleeping. My favourite part is the end of a set, when the lady with a chiseled body would stand tall with a grin & not a drop of sweat mind you, look nearly genuine & try telling me that I too can lose my love handles & back fat if I did this for 15 reps. I almost believe her.

But first a disclaimer:

If you came here looking for an inspirational post with the 'Before/After' photo shopped image, then sir/ma'am please lets not waste your valuable time that can be better spent on debating if flax seeds are good for you or not.
Those who are looking for something better to do than read posts about Saif-Kareena's poor baby, read on-

So this is not a motivational post, (I just learnt how to click-bait, haha!) nor is it a morbid tale of a fat lady who is determined to go all feminist/Nazi-grammarist/etc-ist at you & call you out for body-shaming.

I'm a much-debated-and-finally-agreed-upon normal person. I pamper myself with treats from KFC/McD after a tiring day at work. I can eat my burger & drink up my Appy Fizz while talking about how much I need to go to gym this week since I have been missing it for the last 300+ days.

I'm a Taurean & I pride myself in being bull-headed about a lot of things. But somehow I seem to lack determination & loyalty -the true traits of this sun sign. Determination of achieving my goal & loyalty to my diet-I stand guilty for cheating on both.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm not berating diets or people who are health conscious. These are wonderful people who deserve to be applauded for their hard work. I have seen a friend of mine, eat boiled vegetables with minimal salt and cheese for a month to lose 10 kilos. And he did lose it. But here I stand uninspired, because each time he sat for lunch with us, with that feeling of melancholy on his face, I felt depressed too. No man should have to look at his food and feel sad I say!

My father always reprimanded us-you eat to live, not live to eat.
But sometimes when life starts throwing lemons at you, you need to make a tequila shot & have that lemon afterwards.

I tried to go the 'low carb-good fat-high protein' diet way but that resulted in a 'low patience-bad digestion-higher irritation' situation for me. And then a friend suggested Keto diet & showed me pictures of these marvelous ladies who stood by the cravings & laughed at them & reduced kilos & inches from their bodies. The first taste of black coffee without any sweetener defeated me.
I use my resistance band to hang clothes indoors when it's get  the drift?!

So now I've made peace with myself. I don't eat out much, having recently discovered that I can do more than burn milk in the kitchen. I drink loads of water & hit the washrooms more often thus extending my loo breaks into longer coffee breaks too. I let myself indulge in KFC once (okay fine, twice) a month. I walk about a lot more, being on a call makes it easier (and will irritate your parents too, who will then stop complaining that you don't call them often). I do hit the gym 2-3 times a week & check my weight, keeping a tab on it.

I may not reduce 5kg in a month or suddenly look like how I used to a decade back, but at least now I can say I won't die of obesity and...wait th
ey're giving out free burgers at my that's all for now folks!

Yeah I'm back. So the point is, be healthy & happy and don't be too hard on yourself for not fitting into some predefined image. Let being healthy be the goal, than being a runway-model look a like.


Saturday, September 24, 2016

The Empty Train

Have you heard of the empty train
The one that runs post midnight
When all the town is fast asleep
She merrily bolts under the starry night

I watched her every night
A beauty of a train she was indeed
With a shiny coat of paint on her
She appeared with lightning speed

The platform  long deserted
The lone guard snoring in his sleep
The train politely waited still
She had a timetable to keep

The windows had colourful drapes
And the insides were lit up bright
And sometimes when the moon came up
Her name would appear in plain sight

When the clock struck one every night
She'd appear,never be late
Prompt and eager like an anxious lover
Going on her very first date

I always wondered when a kid                                    
Standing by the window sill
A train as pretty as she was
Why did she run empty still

Mom said that the train must have been
A very mischevious one maybe
So the King of trains banished her
And thus she's forced to run empty

I felt sad for her and vowed to
Someday climb aboard the empty train
And travel far and wide in her, for I'd
many adventurous journeys to gain

Grown up, one day I went up
To the old platform and searched in vain
I guess she must have found a passenger

She was no longer my empty train.
Pic src: photoshopugurus

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.


Thursday, June 23, 2016

Are You Travelling or Traveling?

I do NOT claim to be a traveler. I am not exactly hit by the 'wanderlust' bug & have zero intention of 'some day having made enough money, quitting my job & traveling around the world solo...period'.
It's only my thoughts that wander around while I usually stay put staring blankly at the laptop before me.
But...but but but.. I belong to that category of Indians, who if they have arrived at a restaurant which is visible from their balcony, will painstakingly remove their 10" phone from their tight jeans pocket, stretch out their flabby right hand, try to get their faces  to resemble a fish out of water, click a selfie  (amazed to see the word underlined in red, Blogger grow up!) with a check-in to Facebook & innumerable hashtags (again underlined) on Twitter with the picture edited to make you look like a white guy in the 1920's with a sinister halo around him & then post it finally to Instagram (is this Blogger or the IE browser that I'm using? Hey I'm still in office, don't judge me!!).
And that kids, is how you should never write a single sentence.
Moving on...
Having confessed to being a social media traveler, I can now reveal that I often find myself incapable of staying at home on weekends...okay even weekdays! I have never sat still until I have explored the city that I live in. I arrived in Bangalore on 29th of Feb this year & already I have been to too many places that even my friends staying here for over 2years haven't heard of. I don't care who the company is, as long as it's not some drunken group of hooligans with a hidden criminal record, I'm fine. I can say I was for a while the smartest user of Tinder- I mean you can never really find any sane guy on that app, meanwhile why not checkout new places eh? I have even acted as the typical 'kebab me haddi' & barged into a group comprising of couples only.

I am shameless & ruthless when it comes to making plans, even if it's for a lunch during office hours at a restaurant 500 metres from office.
The one way to lose my trust forever is to have abandoned us -me & my plan become one entity once the plan has taken shape. You could have stolen money from me : I usually don't have much ..IT job...anyway.. you could have bitched about me sometime, you could have planned my murder & failed to execute & still I'd trust you my friend. But ditch my plan once & you're Judas for me!
I'm often adjudged the 'default-member' of any group that's planning an outing. And I bear the tag with pride even though my Mom tells me it's really because I am so jobless & needy & alone & don't have a life, which is why they all call me up. But Moms don't know nothing, right...right...right buddies?

Needless to say there are many who'd judge me & try to figure out why it is that I am always restless & raring to go out. Whether I choose to go walking up a hill or clubbing with some guy, I am always called out for it. And honestly I don't is not about getting a validation from others, or about the number of likes your Titanic pose got on Facebook -

#Fail #lame

It's just about not being a frog in the well.

Getting to try new cuisines (the delicious menu at McLeodganj), coming across new people (Tinder...hehehe kidding!), challenging yourself to new goals (not taking a dump in 2 days 'coz of the dirty washrooms in Rishikesh), overcoming your fears (river rafting, and now a trek),  experiencing nature up close ( Nandi Hills, Shimla..etc) & the culture (Jaipur, Chandigarh, Bangalore, Delhi) is what makes me want to hit the road again & again.

So no matter what you say,
no matter how low the funds are,
I will always find my way
& travel wide and far.

Again #fail #lame poetry

 Oh & by the way, you can use either travelling or traveling as one is British English and the other American.
 See you learnt something after wasting your time here.